BOUND... BUT I'VE BEEN SET FREE
Brendy Bond

“I can’t tell anyone about this. What would they think? They’d know that I’ve been living a lie!”

There I was, a leader, both in my church and in the campus ministry at my University. I was, in the eyes of all who knew me, the picture of purity. 20 years old, and I’d never had a boyfriend, never been kissed… I’d never even held hands with a guy! Little did they know, I’d been living a secret life for 16 years.

Molested at the age of four, and introduced to pornography at the age of five, I found myself, at an extremely early age, addicted to hard-core pornography. I was raised in church, (an evangelist’s daughter). My mom, when she wasn’t preaching out of town revivals, was the national youth director for our denomination. So, by the time I was fourteen, I found myself prematurely promoted into leadership positions and obligated to “perform” my duties well.

With position, naturally, came expectation. Suddenly, I had an image to uphold. And that’s what I did. I created an “image”- a strong leader, with knowledge and understanding of the word, prophetic insight, and, of course, the model of purity…that’s who I became in their eyes. All the while, living my life behind walls of fear, shame, and secret sin. I was bound, and I saw no way out. I’d lived in my dark corner for so long, I feared that if I were to let any light in, those who knew and loved me would be disgusted and ashamed by the real me that was revealed.

So I continued to hide… and at the age of seventeen, I moved away to college. Faced with this new world of people who didn’t know me, didn’t know my background, and most importantly, didn’t know my family, I was overwhelmed with the possibilities of a “clean slate”. I found myself at a defining crossroad. I could either dive head-on into sin, and finally live out the fantasies that had for so many years captivated my imagination, or I could press into the leaders in my college ministry and find freedom. After a long fight with my flesh, I chose freedom.
Freedom, I discovered, was not cheap. The cost was high.

Accountability was a new struggle, and one that I determined I didn’t want to endure. So I ran. God had given me a word that He was calling me to Nashville, so instead of seeking His timing, I immediately packed my car and moved across the country.
To make a long story short, my first year-and-a-half in Nashville was the hardest season of my life. Homeless, carless, jobless, friendless, churchless, I wandered, I spiraled down into a pit of lust and degradation deeper than any I’d imagined, yet, the Holy Spirit was ever-present. I could clearly hear His words as they convicted my heart. One night I literally screamed at God, “Why won’t you just let me make my own mistakes?!” My sin became more and more desperate until finally, one night, God gave me a clear revelation of where my rebellion would soon take me. That night, I was willing to surrender my pride and independence and submit to God. It was then that He brought me into my church family at NewSong. It was there that He revealed to me the roots of my addiction, and set me in a place of accountability where I could live and walk out every day in the light.

I thank God that through it all, He’s kept me. I know that It’s only by His grace, His mercy and His protection that I am now a 26 year-old virgin who has still never been kissed! A lot of people, especially the media, will mock that, (Trust me…I’ve read the articles), but I know that God has a plan that’s greater than I am, and I’m both honored and blessed to be living a life of freedom, redemption and purity.

Some of you were locked in a dark cell, cruelly confined behind bars, Punished for defying God's Word, for turning your back on the High God's counsel - A hard sentence, and your hearts so heavy, and not a soul in sight to help. Then you called out to God in your desperate condition; he got you out in the nick of time. He led you out of your dark, dark cell, broke open the jail and led you out. So thank God for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children he loves; He shattered the heavy jailhouse doors, he snapped the prison bars like matchsticks! (Psalm 107:10-15 MSG)

~Brendy Bond~
Second-Year Student-Intern
NewSong Christian Fellowship